church key opener

church key opener

Essential Keys to Marital Happiness

Marriage is one of the institutions established by God for humanity. Marriage, in this context, is defined as a union between a matured man and woman for the purpose of becoming husband and wife. Maturity physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

Marriage, according to God’s plan, is designed to be a lifetime commitment, and a blissful union between the two partners for procreation, and companionship. However, the reality is that most marriages are short-lived; and happy-less, with couples only trying to manage rather than enjoy their marriage.

This article focuses on six issues that can reverse this trend, enhance marital happiness, and enrich the marriage institution. The issues discussed are based on experience Biblical injunctions.

(i) Maturity

Maturity is one of the keys that guarantee happiness in marriage. It is best defined in the emotional realm as unselfishness. Selfishness is an attitude that every body acquires from childhood, and it has to be discontinued through discipline as one becomes an adult. The adjustment stage of marriage, usually considered the first three years, naturally produces conflicts of interest. However, if two mature people come together in marriage, their spirit of selflessness will make it very easy for them to adjust.

In marriage, as a mark of maturity, the couple needs to cultivate the habit of giving without expecting to receive back. If your partner reciprocates and gives you in return,

regard it as bonus. You never get anything by getting. The way to have something is to give it away. For instance, if you want love don’t look for it – give it. If you want friends, don’t look for friends – be friendly. The same is true of selflessness. If you want your partner to treat you unselfishly, then be mature enough to treat him unselfishly.

Mature individuals go into marriage not only for what they can get out of it, but for what they can give to make their partners happy. Your desire in marriage should be to make your partner happy. If you do that you will reap happiness in return.

The following formula can be adapted to overcome selfish behaviour in marriage:

Face your selfishness as a sin; confess the sin to God, and be assured that he will forgive you (I John 1:9).

Ask God to take away the habit of being selfish. Since it is not God’s will that you be a selfish creature, he will direct you to change your habit from selfishness to selflessness.

Repair the damage done to your partner by your selfish acts. You can do this by apologizing to whomever you exhibited selfish behavior, whether or not he/she deserves it.

Repeat this formula every time you do or say something under the motivation of selfishness. It will help you become a happy, well-adjusted, and unselfish person whose company other people enjoy. In addition your maturity will gradually inspire maturity in your partner, and open many doors to happiness in your marriage.

(ii) Love

The second key that guarantees a marital happiness is love. Love is a feeling of strong personal attachment induced by ardent affection. It is not necessarily physical attraction, lust, personal desire, sympathy, or compassion. God commanded the husband to love his wife sacrificially as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her (Ephesians 5:25). No woman can be unhappy when loved sacrificially, and the husband that gives that kind of love will be the recipient of sacrificial love.

Two major characteristics of love that are required for marital happiness are kindness and showing approval. You must show kindness to your partner. The more you love someone, the more you will naturally seek his/her approval. Most people respond better to commendation than to condemnation; so your partner needs your kindness and approval for his or her adjustment in life and marriage.

(iii) Submission

Submission is another important factor that guarantess marital happiness. A false notion nowadays is that a woman does not have to submit herself to her husband. This fallacy is strengthened by civilization, and education which seem to give women the impression that submission is old fashioned. However, what people do not realize is that there can be no happiness in a home where there is no submission. Lack of submission in marriage contributes largely to increase in juvenile delinquency, rebellion, homosexuality and divorce in the society.

The following three truths on submission of the wife to her husband should be acknowledged: (i) Submission is a command of God (ii) Submission is no slavery (iii) Submission is God’s tool for marital happiness.

(i) Submission is God’s command. The following scriptures, among others, require the wife to submit to her husband: Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”. There is the universal tendency of women to reject this God-given command, and refusal to comply with this command is an act of disobedience. Nevertheless, as many women as obey this command will enjoy marital happiness because God will bless those who obey His command.

(ii) Submission is not slavery. When a woman submits to her husband, she is not in danger of becoming a slave. Submission does mean that she agrees with her husband’s desires when he reaches a decision, and that she complies with his requirements whenever humanly possible. Remember, you reap far more than you sow. If you sow submission in obedience to God, you will reap blessing in abundance; contrarily, if you sow rebellion in disobedience to the will of God, you will reap abundant misery.

(iii) Submission is God’s tool for marital happiness. Apart from the fact that it is God’s command, submission is a divine tool for marital happiness. Psychologists say that between ages thirty-five and forty-five a woman usually reaches a period when she increasingly desires to lean on someone. If she has not been submissive to her husband in the early years of marriage, she would have no one on whom to lean when she gets to the age when she wants a man to lean on. Many a woman at this stage will come to loath the man whom she, in her younger years, trained to be a docile, submissive spouse. Therefore, for her lasting happiness and that of her husband it is essential that the woman submit to her husband.

(iv) Communication

Communication is another important ingredient for marital happiness. Lack of communication or wrong communication has been the major cause of marital distress.

As long as two people can keep the lines of communication open and freely express their feelings, differences can be resolved.

Three communication killers that must be resisted in marriage are explosion, tears, and silence. Explosion is the result of inner anger and hostility that causes a man or woman to attempt self-protection. For instance, when your partner, points out your deficiencies, you tend to grasp for something to cover up; if you happen to be sanguine or choleric in temperament you tend to utilize anger and express it through explosion.

The second communication killer is tears. This weapon is mostly used by women, (although some men also resort to it) to disarm their partner, who in turn suppresses communication.

The third communication killer is silence. Silence is a dangerous tool in that it rapidly stifles communication and takes a heavy toll upon a person physically and spiritually. It takes tremendous power to be silent for a long time; and anger can supply that power. Since anger is one of the leading causes of ulcers, high blood pressure and many other diseases you will find that silence is a very expensive tool to use on your partner.

The following strategy can enhance communication between you and your partner:

Pray for wisdom of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit

Plan a time that is good for your partner when both of you are in the best mood to look at issues objectively. Usually don’t discuss anything of a negative nature after 10.00 or 10.30 p.m., because problems tend to loom greater at night. After supper could be a good time for communication.

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Using kind words, say exactly what is on your heart.

Don’t lose your temper. Anger on one’s part usually precipitates an angry response by the other.

Allow for reaction time. Let your partner think about what you have said.

Commit the problem to God.

Practice the use of three golden expressions regularly in your communication with your partner: (i) ‘I’m sorry’, (ii) ‘Thank you’, and (iii) ‘I love you’. If you are willing to admit your mistakes and apologise to your partner, you will find resistance dissolve and a spirit of forgiveness will prevail. A show of gratitude to your partner will convince her/him that you do not take her/him for granted. Third, it is absolutely necessary for every human being to be loved; hence your partner will never tire of hearing you tell her/him of your love.

(v) Prayer

Another important key to marital happiness is prayer. Prayer is the best means of communication between a couple, and it can be initiated by either of them. Problems are solved through prayers. Don’t wait until the complexities of life drive you to your knees. Learn to know God together in prayer now so that when life’s pressure is on, you can go in prayer to one you have already learned to know as a close friend.

(vi) Relationship with Jesus Christ

If two people are properly related in a personal way to Jesus Christ, they will most likely be properly related to each other. Jesus Christ wants to be the Lord of your marriage. If He is, your home will enjoy lasting happiness, peace and blessing.

If you desire Jesus Christ to come into your life, all you need to do is ask Him. Once inside, He by His Holy Spirit will direct you in all areas of life and will supply all your need. Living in accordance with his will as revealed in his Word is the most important thing you can do to guarantee marital happiness.

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References

La Haye, Tim (1983), How to Be Happy Though Married, Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois.

Life Application Study Bible (1989), King James Version, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois.

Ijagbulu, Dele (1989), ‘For Husbands Only’. A bi-monthly publication of Olu-Ibukun Counselling Centre, Ibadan, Nigeria

About the Author

Samson Adeyekun is a Human Resources Expert, Trainer, Investor, Coach, Motivational Speaker, Professional Proof Reader, and Preacher. He organises seminars, workshops and conferences regularly. He is the pioneer pastor of the Gospel Faith Mission International (Pace Setters Assembly), Egbeda - Lagos, Nigeria. He is married and blessed with children. He and his family live in Lagos, Nigeria.

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